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Privacy and Your Preteen

 

Should you ‘spy’ on your kids?

There is a growing debate surrounding this question. Today, mass media makes it hard to control what influences your child imbibes. In addition, technology provides the world countless ways of reaching your child. Beyond telephones and snail mail, now they have cellphones, email, instant messaging and the internet! We parents can’t help but be concerned about just what our children are up to.

Now, reconcile this with your preteen. If you have a child between the ages of nine and twelve, you must be feeling the challenges of preteen parenting. Suddenly, your child doesn’t want to be treated like her younger siblings. She wants more independence, and is beginning to ask for more privacy. She is greatly influenced by her peers, and would like to spend as much time with them as possible. If she’s in middle school, then almost half of her waking time is spent outside your home. She’s also building friendships with other kids that you didn’t know from before.

All those years before, you carefully molded and prepared your child for engaging the world on her own. Now, the preteen years are here for a test run. The question is, are you ready to trust your child?

Most parents say, "I trust my child, but I don’t trust the world". That’s valid. Your first concern is always for her safety. However, recognize too that your child is also blossoming into her own person. Her request for privacy is not necessarily a step away from you. Rather, it is a step toward her own growth. As her parent, you want that for her too, right?

So, how much privacy does your preteen deserve? Here’s the win-win answer. She should have just enough privacy to feel secure, and just enough for you to keep her safe.

Set the non-negotiables. Sit down with your child and talk about the balance between her privacy and her protection. Together, list down details which you both agree are always important for you to know. This includes knowing who her friends are, where they live and what their telephone numbers are (especially if she spends time in their house). You’ll also need to know everyday details like where she’s going and who she’ll be with. Clearly establish what is not allowed from the outset. This can vary from one family to another, depending on personal values and the environment.

Sit down with your child and talk about the balance between her privacy and her protection. Together, list down details which you both agree are always important for you to know. This includes knowing who her friends are, where they live and what their telephone numbers are (especially if she spends time in their house). You’ll also need to know everyday details like where she’s going and who she’ll be with. Clearly establish what is not allowed from the outset. This can vary from one family to another, depending on personal values and the environment.

Give her space. However ironic, realize that your preteen still needs some privacy even if she does live in your house. If it’s not a non-negotiable, respect her space. Better to give her room for self-expression there, rather than having her go and do it somewhere else away from you. At least there, you’re kept aware even from a distance. More often than not anyway, your child has nothing to hide. But if she feels you constantly looking over her shoulder (literally and figuratively), she just might start leaving her journal at school, or begin going to a friend’s house for the internet. Don’t give her a reason to keep things from you deliberately.

. However ironic, realize that your preteen still needs some privacy even if she live in your house. If it’s not a non-negotiable, respect her space. Better to give her room for self-expression there, rather than having her go and do it somewhere else away from you. At least there, you’re kept aware even from a distance. More often than not anyway, your child has nothing to hide. But if she feels you constantly looking over her shoulder (literally and figuratively), she just might start leaving her journal at school, or begin going to a friend’s house for the internet. Don’t give her a reason to keep things from you deliberately.

Talk about trust. Discuss with your child the important role of mutual trust in the preteen stage. Point out that privacy is protected by trust. Remind her too that trust is hard earned. Once it’s broken, it’s even harder to regain. Lastly, remember that the point of this discussion is mutual trust. It’s a two-way street.

Discuss with your child the important role of mutual trust in the preteen stage. Point out that privacy is protected by trust. Remind her too that trust is hard earned. Once it’s broken, it’s even harder to regain. Lastly, remember that the point of this discussion is trust. It’s a two-way street.

If you sneak around reading your child’s email, think about the message that sends to her on how trust should be valued.

Be open. Most importantly, let your child know that she can talk to you about anything. Make her feel secure to approach you with any problem or concern. Create an open atmosphere where she can be honest with you without fear of being judged. When she does talk, listen neutrally and sincerely. If at other times she keeps her emotions to herself, respect that choice too.

Most importantly, let your child know that she can talk to you about anything. Make her feel secure to approach you with any problem or concern. Create an open atmosphere where she can be honest with you without fear of being judged. When she does talk, listen neutrally and sincerely. If at other times she keeps her emotions to herself, respect that choice too.

Recognizing the privacy and ensuring the safety of your preteen can be quite an emotional balancing act. With good communication however, and a mutual commitment to trust, you’ll not only be a responsible parent, but a ‘cool’ one too!

 

 

 

- Leon Edward

 

Leon Edward helps people improve in Career Development, Goal Setting, Leadership, Success, Motivation, Self-Improvement, Happiness, Memory Improvement, Stress Reduction and more through his articles, blogs, reports and self-help success roladex-on-line. Visit his Success-Leadership Library, Articles  at http://www.AwesomeSuccess.org

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